Baby Steps Toward Regret
by Scarlett71177
Summary: Tonks awaits her pregnancy test results.  RT, RemusTonks


**Title:** Baby Steps Toward Regret  
Format & Word Count: Ficlet; 1172  
Rating: PG  
Warning: Angst?  
Summary: Tonks awaits the results of her pregnancy test  
Author's Note: Takes place in July? Of Deathly Hallows. Written for the August ficathon at rtchallenge at Livejournal.

Holed up in bed seemed the most natural place to be; after all, it was because of the bed that they found themselves in this situation to begin with.

Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin burrowed under the covers, nervously watching her new husband pace back and forth across the room, his eyes never leaving the narrow gap in the door to the adjoining loo.

Tonks too watched the light filtering out through the slit in the door (while peeking out from a gap in the duvet) and she imagined the contents of the tiny phial on the countertop rapidly changing from pink to blue before finally settling on a solid colour.

"Time izzit?"

"Thirty-seven seconds later than the last time you asked, Dora," Remus replied with a frustrated edge to his voice, his usually slow stride replaced with a much faster one today.

"Why do they make these take so long?" She was rambling and she knew it, but the silence was agony and she desperately wanted to hear his voice reassuring her that everything would be all right.

Her knuckles began to ache from squeezing the covers so tight, the blood draining from her delicate hands. Hands so like her own mother's. If she thought back hard enough she can imagine the feeling of her mother's hands soothing her forehead before childhood fevers were broken or when Granny Tonks died and her mum knew precisely when to take her hand at the funeral and give her a gentle squeeze. For a fleeting moment Tonks wondered if she'd have similar experiences… Forcing the thought from her mind she eventually disentangled herself from the charcoal-grey duvet, her dark hair in sharp contrast to the white pillowcase; thinking that far ahead wouldn't help now.

She tried to focus on something else- anything else- but the sunshine and tittering birds did little to impress her on the July day in question.

The only thing that mattered was that phial.

Remus took a step closer to the bathroom door, presumably gazing in at the simmering concoction, watching the varying colours begin to slow.

"Don't cheat!" Tonks shrieked, "You'll jinx us."

But the real question was which outcome did she think he'd curse? _It was a horrible time for a baby- how could they be so careless? But if it was a baby…_ her heart skipped a beat. If she was pregnant the baby would be a part of her, a part of Remus- what wasn't to love?

"Stop pacing."

"I can't," he spat suddenly, "that's what _we_ do when we're nervous."

The 'we' was not lost on Tonks. He was speaking of the feral werewolves. Months he'd spent away from them but still their dark presence loomed.

"Please don't say that," she replied with an exasperated sigh. "I thought we were going to make an effort to move past 'too old, too poor, too dangerous?'"

He mumbled something she was glad she hadn't heard.

_A baby._ Would a baby be so bad? Sure, the timing was bunk, but didn't they love one another? Weren't they together forever- til the end? Maybe a baby could make Remus see precisely how 'human' he was, maybe a baby could show him just how powerful love could be.

"Thirty seconds." His voice was quiet now, the roughness gone.

"C'mere, sit by me," she urged, throwing the covers back and patting the space next to her on the bed.

He sighed, looking first at the door, still ajar, and then his watch before finally turning toward her and taking a seat on the bed. His position exhibited his discomfort for the situation; his knees were locked tight and his shoulders hunched, forcing his eyes to gaze at the rug beneath his worn shoes. Every muscle seemed rigid and tense.

"D'you love me?" she questioned, taking his hand in hers, interlacing their fingers, letting her thumb caress his skin. She could break this icy exterior, she'd done so before.

He exhaled again, more emphatically this time. "You know I do, Dora." He refused to meet her eyes, staring down at their clasped hands instead.

"Say it then, I need to hear it."

He looked up slowly, meeting her dark eyes with his pale-blue stormy gaze and squeezed her hand. "I love you. I always have, I always will."

A glimpse of azure was all she needed to feel that love, almost like a Patronus, cocooning her from the gloomy reality of the world they lived in. In that brief exchange she had never failed to find security.

"And we can handle the outcome of this test- no matter what?" Her voice was quivering and almost pleading for his reassurance this one last time. The tears welled up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

"Dora- "

She extended her hands in a placating manner and shut her eyes tight, not wanting to see the expression on his face. "Mm-kay, you go look."

She knew he had his own fears, fears she couldn't fully comprehend, but her legs seemed to be shaking so violently that she was sure they'd support her about as well as the legs of a new fawn. Perhaps she needs him more than she's ever let him know.

Nodding, Remus gave her hand one last squeeze before he rose off the bed and approached the door to the loo.

Tonks pulled the covers back up to her neck and rested her hands over her stomach. She didn't need Remus to tell her the potion results- her body had shared its secret already. She was _late._ Good and late. And it was really no wonder, she was a newlywed and she and Remus had spent the first two weeks locked away, clinging to one another for hope, support, and love; one trying to convince the other that they were crazy to fall in love during a war, that forces neither of them could control would take its toll on their relationship, and the other desperately trying to illustrate that they could make their relationship work no matter what. She wouldn't have traded that time for anything.

If she was pregnant, and she was pretty sure she was, what kind of mother would she be? Her family history wasn't encouraging, nor was her position in the Ministry, or the Order for that matter. There was never a doubt in her mind, however, about what kind of father Remus would make. She could imagine him falling asleep with a newborn infant cradled on his chest, encouraging a toddler to take first steps, and reading bedtime stories to their son or daughter. He would make a _wonderful_ father if given the chance.

"Tonks- "

His voice startled her and she swallowed abruptly, willing the anxiety buzzing inside her stomach to just stay put for a little longer. Her eyes leapt to the open door, the answer to her question written on his expression, brow furrowed in distress, eyes saddened and drawn, lips pulled in what could only be considered a frown.

"You're pregnant."


End file.
